TGIF

Hello fans!

I know I know, two posts in two days, what is going on? I am being so bad and indulgent lately (see being my own date for the Details Magazine party!) I am thinking it might be because it is taking a lot of energy for me to keep up with all the amazinge advice from TV shows and magazines and sometimes a boi just needs to do something nice for himself like buy a red Ikea lamp.

Anyway, you must read the most devastating and yet eerily TRUE advice I received in a spam e-mail today at work:

How To Get A Girl To Do Anythingg And Everything In Bedd - Be Absolutely Mind Blowing Right Now

Oh! But you can surely think of something, m. At all. Go up to the nursery. To stop us going home i think your father's quite into sawlike teeth.

Fans this is totes approp, how does the Internet know that my parents are visiting? And OF COURSE I need to be absolutely mind blowing right now! This will help me up my game tonighte at the 'Shoe, where I am planning on smoking the rest of my year-old clove cigarettes and telling strangers all about the West Elm bench. By the way I do not have ANY comments about what you think I should do about the placement of the bench. I feel so unloved, maybe I will tweet about it.

Another thing I have been thinking about, other than why Tom Cruise wears two wife beaters at a time or when I will see a depressing Jackie O tranny wearing boots again, is my parfumerie. While I was in a cage I came up with so many ideas but I was too busy having my ego subliminated to actually make any of them. Now I am thinking that maybe what I will do is exclusive limited edition scents based on Details magazine covers! I want to create a scent wardrobe for the Other and I think this will be the perfect present for my Heathcliffe. Also one of the scents will be called Bottom of the Well because that is where my true love found himself during darker days on the moors. It's OK fans, he has returned to me and we are going on a hike the next time he is in town. What?

Bye betch!

<3,
Meow

Lost Lamb Found

Hello dear fans!

I hope you have not forgotten me in my suspicious absence! So much has happened since my last post but I guess we all have to begin somewhere.

My days and nights as Master's lowly dog came to an end this winter, and my Other returned to me not once but twice. Twice! He now dominates me from an ocean away, it is so great. He is my Heathcliffe, and I am his obedient servant. Excellent! Some of my duties have included driving out to the suburbs to buy a bench from the ever-klassy West Elm store. Fans, just trust me when I tell you that nothing comes close to the blisse of buying nice furniture like benches when your, ahem, companion tells you to over Yahoo! Messenger. I put it at the head of our bed but for some reason the Wytche yelled at me to put it at the foot of the bed. What do you think, fans? Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think: West Elm bench at the head of the cruelle metal bed with one orange throw pillow or at the foot of it?

Anyway. There are all kinds of other horrifying things going on right now. It is my birthday, for one, and I don't even care what happens next. I even made an invitation that was a video of a Chinese car crash test set to an Enya song (yesss I love Enya!) and now I am afraid that I will never leave the 'Shoe. What is a party boi to do? The Other will be so displeased when he finds out that I fell asleep while drunk driving myself home on Lake Shore...

Uh-oh, talking about being drunk reminds me of last weekend. After an unfortunate time hanging out with an unnamed individual, I was my own date at a Details Magazine party! TRASHY! I am not really sure how I made it through but somehow I wound up drinking shots of something troubling at a bar and went home with Some Guy to make out. The only thing is that I threw up at his apartment before anything really troublesome happened. Then, then, the next day I got a message from Some Other Guy from the Details party asking me to make a video for him. I don't even remember telling him my name or that I can make videos! Somehow, fans, he stalked me on the Internet and discovered my true identity. Scandal all around! Now I am one of those "shame shame everyone knows your name" bois.

Also, I am going to New York soon! I am going with a GIRL and we are going to have a TIME. I will wear my new bondage shirt from Lip Service--it has lots of zippers and looks kayoot with my bondage pants and boots. Yess! If you guys have suggestions for kayoot spooky places to have A Time in New York please leave me a comment or I will be sad and lonesome. Sniff.

The last thing that you need to know is that I don't read Kafka books anymore. No fans, now I have a ginormous flat screen TV and instead of reading Kafka in my closet I just turn on an amazing show like Manswers or CSI or my recent favorite, TOOL ACADEMY!! You need to check that shiot if you haven't seen it yet!

OK well, I should probably go because The Other might be waiting for me on Yahoo! Messenger or something. Goodnight world!

<3,
Meow