My life is a veritable graveyard of buried hopes.

Hello fans!

I'm sorry to have been silent for so long. Things have been TERRIBLE. After all my funds were stolen and Amy Winehouse lured my darling raccoon Nigel Tibbs away, I was v desolate. Fans, do not even ask about that ponce Cruelle Bertrand. Him and his lady love escaped in a giant hot air balloon after reducing my flat to utter shambles. While the peacock is a noble bird, its vanity is unrivaled in the animal kingdom. They have no consideration for the feelings of others. And they shit everywhere too!

Regarding my missing funds, someone at the bank finally took pity upon me after I cried hysterically and had a nervous breakdown and they gave me my money back. But THEN someone broke into my house and stole my laptop! The worst part is there are all sorts of scandalous pictures on it of myself and others, including LX. Wait, maybe that is the best part...

So not wanting to be murdered in my sleep, I have decided to return to Chicago. I have to say, I will not miss London. It is dreary and expensive and everyone is a prissy asshole. The only good thing is there are SO MANY trashy gay clubs. I recently went to one called THE GHETTO, with my friend Wei and it was ridic. Wei's ex-boyfriend joined us and he got drunk and a bit too friendly with me and kept asking if he could pose for photos for me. Wei flew into a jealous rage, and dumped a pint of beer over his ex-boyfriend's head. I cackled in delight. Maybe I will miss a few things in Londre... but trashy gay clubs are a dime a dozen.

Fans, I have gazed into the eyes of the gorgon, but instead of turning me to stone she has rendered me an emotionless shell. My tears have been dried and my heart hardened and I fear that now I shall only see things as they truly are; each interaction a trifle and every event only a momentary distraction from the relentless headlong journey between birth and death.

I shall return to Chicago older and wiser in the cruel ways of the world and peacocks. Hopefully I haven't become so jaded that a trip to the Lucky Horseshoe won't help me to find my smile once again.