Hello Fans! I am back in Londre, sniff. Obv I am very busy with my fantastic new parfum collection but right now I must tell you about my most recent obsession: Cruelle Bertrand!
Bertrand is my haughty pet peacock and I take him with me wherever I go including trashy goth clubs that serve tea at 4am. He screams all the time and keeps me awake even after I have re-read Nabokov for the 100th time before bed but I lurv him anyway. The cruellest thing Bertrand has done to me is shit in my floral suitcase. SHIT. IN THE FLORAL SUITCASE. NOT KAYOOT. He shits everywhere, I keep finding it all over my flat, but that is a family HEIRLOOM! But it shows that he is the smartest peacock because Bertrand knew it would crush my spirit. His favorite snack is Ants on a Log, but I am not very good at making them because I only eat a Wheatabix once a day. For my birthday I think I will have to get him a girlfriend named Ermengarde the Marauder. She will be a mousy speck in comparison to Bertrand's showy plumage and he WILL LOVE IT. He is so VAIN! I cannot wait to debut my leather man corset with Bertrand in tow because we will be the highlight of everyone's evening.
In case the Fans were wondering, the Other went out and bought himself a RIDIC poufy cat and named it Jean Harlow! Cruel Bertrand was my ultimate solution to drive Jean Harlow insane. One day I will get a Weimaraner and drive Jean Harlow out for good, hmmph.
<3,
UKPM
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