TGIF

Hello fans!

I know I know, two posts in two days, what is going on? I am being so bad and indulgent lately (see being my own date for the Details Magazine party!) I am thinking it might be because it is taking a lot of energy for me to keep up with all the amazinge advice from TV shows and magazines and sometimes a boi just needs to do something nice for himself like buy a red Ikea lamp.

Anyway, you must read the most devastating and yet eerily TRUE advice I received in a spam e-mail today at work:

How To Get A Girl To Do Anythingg And Everything In Bedd - Be Absolutely Mind Blowing Right Now

Oh! But you can surely think of something, m. At all. Go up to the nursery. To stop us going home i think your father's quite into sawlike teeth.

Fans this is totes approp, how does the Internet know that my parents are visiting? And OF COURSE I need to be absolutely mind blowing right now! This will help me up my game tonighte at the 'Shoe, where I am planning on smoking the rest of my year-old clove cigarettes and telling strangers all about the West Elm bench. By the way I do not have ANY comments about what you think I should do about the placement of the bench. I feel so unloved, maybe I will tweet about it.

Another thing I have been thinking about, other than why Tom Cruise wears two wife beaters at a time or when I will see a depressing Jackie O tranny wearing boots again, is my parfumerie. While I was in a cage I came up with so many ideas but I was too busy having my ego subliminated to actually make any of them. Now I am thinking that maybe what I will do is exclusive limited edition scents based on Details magazine covers! I want to create a scent wardrobe for the Other and I think this will be the perfect present for my Heathcliffe. Also one of the scents will be called Bottom of the Well because that is where my true love found himself during darker days on the moors. It's OK fans, he has returned to me and we are going on a hike the next time he is in town. What?

Bye betch!

<3,
Meow

Lost Lamb Found

Hello dear fans!

I hope you have not forgotten me in my suspicious absence! So much has happened since my last post but I guess we all have to begin somewhere.

My days and nights as Master's lowly dog came to an end this winter, and my Other returned to me not once but twice. Twice! He now dominates me from an ocean away, it is so great. He is my Heathcliffe, and I am his obedient servant. Excellent! Some of my duties have included driving out to the suburbs to buy a bench from the ever-klassy West Elm store. Fans, just trust me when I tell you that nothing comes close to the blisse of buying nice furniture like benches when your, ahem, companion tells you to over Yahoo! Messenger. I put it at the head of our bed but for some reason the Wytche yelled at me to put it at the foot of the bed. What do you think, fans? Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think: West Elm bench at the head of the cruelle metal bed with one orange throw pillow or at the foot of it?

Anyway. There are all kinds of other horrifying things going on right now. It is my birthday, for one, and I don't even care what happens next. I even made an invitation that was a video of a Chinese car crash test set to an Enya song (yesss I love Enya!) and now I am afraid that I will never leave the 'Shoe. What is a party boi to do? The Other will be so displeased when he finds out that I fell asleep while drunk driving myself home on Lake Shore...

Uh-oh, talking about being drunk reminds me of last weekend. After an unfortunate time hanging out with an unnamed individual, I was my own date at a Details Magazine party! TRASHY! I am not really sure how I made it through but somehow I wound up drinking shots of something troubling at a bar and went home with Some Guy to make out. The only thing is that I threw up at his apartment before anything really troublesome happened. Then, then, the next day I got a message from Some Other Guy from the Details party asking me to make a video for him. I don't even remember telling him my name or that I can make videos! Somehow, fans, he stalked me on the Internet and discovered my true identity. Scandal all around! Now I am one of those "shame shame everyone knows your name" bois.

Also, I am going to New York soon! I am going with a GIRL and we are going to have a TIME. I will wear my new bondage shirt from Lip Service--it has lots of zippers and looks kayoot with my bondage pants and boots. Yess! If you guys have suggestions for kayoot spooky places to have A Time in New York please leave me a comment or I will be sad and lonesome. Sniff.

The last thing that you need to know is that I don't read Kafka books anymore. No fans, now I have a ginormous flat screen TV and instead of reading Kafka in my closet I just turn on an amazing show like Manswers or CSI or my recent favorite, TOOL ACADEMY!! You need to check that shiot if you haven't seen it yet!

OK well, I should probably go because The Other might be waiting for me on Yahoo! Messenger or something. Goodnight world!

<3,
Meow

the domestic animal (yessssssss)

Hello fans!

It is with mixed emotions I greet you this evening. These past months since my return to Chicago have been quite a trial, but I believe I have changed for the better. With the departure of my "flatmate," The Other, I was initially like a lost, unwanted bastard child. No longer would my weekends be filled with fun projects, like "hanging shelves" or "slicing cucumbers to place in a pitcher of twice-filtered ice water." My life was aimless and empty. More so than usual! TRASH! Even my newly painted apartment and recently purchased CB2 task chair were little comfort. Even reading Kafka in my goldenrod painted closet/playroom seemed a fruitless endeavor. I even switched to Sartre, but it was still no good!

And then fans, someone shined a light upon my small, dark little life. Last weekend Rob took me to the scandalous hot bed of iniquity, the gay leather bar Touché. Fans, it felt like I was coming home for the first time! On a whim, I got into the cage in the backroom, and it was then I was approached by my Master, NTO (Not The Other). NTO immediately recognized how gravely I required a life of complete sexual and domestic servitude and submission. Crouched on all fours, I realized that I am nothing but an animal, a stupid dog in need of a cruel disciplinarian to train me.

Fans, I was totes blissed out! I have now entered into a year long agreement with NTO, whereupon I shall live as his full time dog slave/pony boi. I have a little cage with a kibble and water bowl in it, and a collar with NTO's tag on it as well as a tag specifying that I have recently received my rabies booster shot. This pleases me more than I could have ever known. NTO provides the light that was missing from my past life as "Meehow J". I am now known only as dog, or pony, or if I am lucky, boi.

And now fans, the heartbreaking news: since Master does not approve of my use of the Internet, and because my life now revolves solely around NTO's pleasure, I fear that updates to this blog will be few and far between for the next year while my training progresses. Do not cry for Mee-how, for he was only the mask upon my ego. He has been cast aside as I come closer and closer to total ego sublimination. It is Master's and my hope that within 6 months I will lose the ability to communicate in any human language. This will be a true test of my faithfulness to NTO's training, and I hope you will think of me whenever you catch sight of a muzzled cur sitting in the gutter. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

All the loves,
dog (formerly known as Mee-how J)

Carrying the Torch

Take me out tonight
Where there's music and there's people
And they're young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven't got one
Anymore

Take me out tonight
Because I want to see people and I
Want to see life
Driving in your car
Oh, please don't drop me home
Because it's not my home, it's their
Home, and I'm welcome no more

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine

Take me out tonight
Take me anywhere, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
And in the darkened underpass
I thought oh god, my chance has come at last
(but then a strange fear gripped me and I
Just couldn't ask)

Take me out tonight
Oh, take me anywhere, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven't got one, da ...
Oh, I haven't got one

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine

Oh, there is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out

The Imagine Pageant Pays A Visit

Hello faithful fans,

My relaxing drive on Sunday evening from Fox Lake while under the influence of several shots of vodka could have prepared me for many things: painful death, life-long paralysis, body mutilation, a DUI, court... But what actually happened that sunday evening was worse. FAR worse. Upon reaching the top of the staircase and thinking of the fantastic prospect of tea and sleep, I opened the door and saw LX with his stupid bike and a horrifying smile on his face. I gasped as he said "oh hello buster! where should i put my bike?" this was the ultimate punishment for drunk driving, and a nightmare that has many times played out in my head during bad ecstasy trips, but how could it be real. I walked past him (hoping he would disappear like the horrifying apparition that he is), and looked at the hopeless face of the Other, who motioned at his phone. I looked at my cell, and sure enough i had a message: "BEWARE, LX is here." When LX asked about where to put his bike again, I said "outside, together with all your other belongings and your body!!!" to which he laughed and said something along the lines of "ha ha, you're a funny one!" I completely freaked. he sat down and demanded the Other to make coffee, and the Other, in his shock and terror, obliged. I made a few more insidious and biting remarks to which LX said "if you want me to leave, I'll leave." I breathed a sigh of relief, and said politely: "well, perhaps this is not the best evening for an unannounced, completely rude visit..." As I thought LX would immediately leave me to my drunken thoughts of how many miles per gallon a Honda Odyssey minivan can get versus a Toyota Sienna, I was in a better mood. But ALAS, he stayed, taking my sudden upturn in mood as indication of my permission to hang around. My heart sunk to the depths of hell, and I walked to the sofa, laid down on it in the darkness and tried my hardest to think about the mileage a minivan can get, while LX incessantly bombarded the Other with the details of his bike ride. It lasted 40 minutes, and I'm sure a large part of me died that night. Sighe... All my nightmares are coming true, I feel as if there is no hope...

<3
m